(Ow… stop poking me with that spear. What? You want me to type down the things you say for today’s Character Creation Challenge entry of Ork! Second Edition? Ouch, yes I can do that just stop poking me.)
Me iz Togg. Even if great Ork god Krom am hate you, hez still want big squishy mans to roll shiny math rocks to play Ork! Second Edition. Squishy mans am already use magical scribe box to make Ork! character parchment, now squishy man am write down character scratches with those county things. (I think he means number, oww… stop with the spear).
You am turn book to page with character stuff. Do it now! (Ok, I’m on page 8). Good. Krom says you pick name for pretend Ork person. (Um… Grukk came up in one of online name generators) Wut you use? (This online name generator that I found…..) Booorrrriinnnggg…. just go to next step Grukk man.
Says here Grukk will haz um… one, two (oh smeg, he’s counting on his fingers) uh… four attributes. Dem be Meat: which is am body stuff like breaking things or jumping top of table, Bones: how tuff Grukk man is, Twitch: no not stream thing, how well Ork use hands or shoot bow and Mojo: What Ork warlocks use for power and leading. Who am Austin Powers? *SMACK* Squishy man no tell Togg of puny man gods, just type. Krom says each attribute gets assigned a different shape shiny math rock. There’s da one that looks like pyramid (oh the D4), the square one (OK, D6), the two pyramids stuck together (uh… D8), more pyramids stuck together (that’s the D10) and one that almost looks like ball but not look like ball (D20? No, they are talking about the D12). Rounder math rocks better than sharp pointy ones. In book Krom gives examples of which sets of rocks me can pick from (Yea, I see eight combinations with each one totaling 32 points in total.) Togg no use numbers that high, just trust Krom. Pick combo for Grukk and write down. (Uh.. OK, lets go with combo F that has D10, D10, D6 and D6) NO! Wez want strong Ork like Togg, pick set that has one round math rock. (Ah, OK, then combo D has a D12, D8, D6 and D6) Good, write down on sheet like Krom wants. (OK, that’s done)
Now Grukk haz skills to be Ork. Dis wut Grukk good at doing in the name of Krom. One, two, three… three skills under each attribute. Now wut that county thing? (That’s a six) OK, each set of skills am get six points to use between them. (OK, I see the skill number under the attribute is the number of attribute dice I roll. So if I’m swinging a sword I take my Fight skill of 2 and roll 2D12 for my attack roll) *SMACK* Togg explain rules. But Krom says you correct, now squishy man choose skill county things for Grukk and don’t forget one, two bonus skill points. (Done) Am at point where wez find out how many times Grukk can get hit. You make county things do things as on parchment. (Uh, OK I’ve got it written down)
Now Togg whisper so Krom won’t hear us. Wez can cheat Krom, but only at one thing. Wez pick something special that only wez can do. When wez use this cheat, we take some of Krom’s shiny math rocks to use for meselves. But Krom gets them back later in the game, so if am cheat too many times, Krom come back to hurt you. And Krom can be very angry when hez finds out hez was cheated. Wut cheat squishy man pick for Grukk? (How about When me am hit people with spear?) Good, squishy man was listening. Write it down on parchment. (OK, I’ve got that written down).
Next we… (Why are you still whispering?) OH! Next wez pick Grukk’s equipment. Squishy man said he was good with spears, so Togg suggest pick outfit with spears in it (Yea me… um… I see the different packages but only one has spears in it.) WRITE DOWN! (OK, OK, keep your shirt on. Done.) Final step in making Grukk is to go kill squishy men. Here, give Grukk this spear and hez use it to kill you. Now Togg needs cup of Earl Grey Tea and to kick kids of TV so me can watch Gilmore Girls. Remember, Krom am hate you.
(What the frak just happened?)
OK I had fun putting this character together with Togg (Gods he’s asleep on the couch now, I hope he didn’t spill his tea). There were a few steps in the character creation process that explained things like initiative and armor class, but I’m sure they are listed elsewhere in the book. I could see this being a fun pick up game to play with friends. I like the idea of rolling against Krom’s roll (as performed by the Orkmaster) instead of just trying to beat or meet a difficulty rating. I had to look up Ork points which sound like luck or fate points.
The Mutant Future character creation session yesterday really got the creative juices flowing. I’ve got to wait for some of this OGL hullabaloo to calm down (blog post with my thoughts on that mess later) but I’ve got some ideas that I really want to explore.
Coming Up Next:
We go into the black with the Serenity RPG
This article is open for discussion on the TardisCaptain dot Com Discord server. You can also email me at Carl (at) TardisCaptain.com with any comments.